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Yes it is Benjamin Nilsson.
My name is Holge Bergvall and I was a neighbour of the Stål's.
Yes?
I just wanted to say that Sara and Holger are both gone now.
Ehh. -So now nothing can stop you..hallo?
Never dry tears without gloves.
Everything in this story is true.
And it happend here, in this city.
Homosexual men began to die.
In a desease that was called the new black death.
In a city others ignored what was going on.
Young men got sick.
Got skinny, faded away and died.
While others took their lifes right after they got the result.
You shall not live, you shall die.
Moppsan is here.
She is the the next mourning.
It is okey, I put some valium in her food this morning so she will be calm
No you did not. -Of course not. I'm not going to waste valium on a damn cat
I need it myself.
Is that his mom?
We are here, to take a last farewell of Bengt.
And leave him in God's hands.
If you are allergic to cats, let us know. I see we have one here.
If not, lets continue with psalm 297.
Now, we will listen to a song.
Hi everyone, My name is Madde. Bengt and I were classmates.
Right next to this church we did the play Seagull.
It is just a couple of weeks ago now.
Damn, I don't know what to say.
I am going to sing a song for you Bengt.
I think it is about to never be scared again.
Sleep on my arm, the night is hiding.
Under its wings
your scarlet cheek.
Happy and warm.
Soon you're dreaming.
Escaping the dream.
Like wave escapes wind.
Catch again panted the fight.
Do you want, want. Get kissed again.
Sleep my friend
Soon you are dreaming.
Love is watching you.
On my arm.
We thank Bengt's girlfriend for the beautiful song.
What did they priest say?
Girlfriend.
That is pathetic.
Damn, I am so angry. Girlfriend.
Girlfriend? -Calm down.
It is one thing that beautiful man did not get to live his life.
But do you have to deny the short life he had?
Bengt, of course you should try oyster. It is like eating pussy, just without pubes.
Damn its gross.
You need to do that, if you want to be a star.
Every year we spent Christmas together.
Do you all have what you want?
Lars-Åke, daling. You're not drinking anything.
Lars-Åke, that was dating Seppo. It took him 3 years of sickness and abasement to die.
Reine, what are you thinking about?
I was just thinking that my mouth hurts, that is all.
And I was thinking that I am happy.
What is his name this time?
Johan, he is a librarian.
Reine, from Bohuslän. He was always in love.
He was one of the first that died.
His death created big headlines in the papers. "Third AIDS-victim dead"
And my Rasmus, Bengt.
And Paul.
By the way, Jehovah's man. I must show you.
How lovely I framed in, wait I will show you.
Look, is it not fantastik?
You know kitch should be spent with kitch.It's hanging in my bedroom. So I can watch it before I fall asleep.
What was it in the Bible you read to me?
Johannes' revelations, it is my favourite.
Can't you read it? Please.
He shall dry all tears.
Shut up ladies and listen.
Continue my friend. - And he shall dry ever tear.
From their eyes, and death will not exist anymore.
Or sorrow, pain or scream will not exist anymore.
What once was, is now gone.
Is it not fantastic? -Very nice.
Can't you say it again?
He shall try each tear from their eyes.
And death will not exist anymore.
Or sorrow, pain or scream will not exist anymore.
What once was, is now gone.
Hello.
Hey, it is Benjamin. I heard your message.
How are you?
Bettan was here and helped me to paint my toenails.
My mom used to do that in the summer.
She painted the nails red. She was always so happy when she woke up in the morning and saw them.
Moppsan.
But I don't know if I am so happy.
I was thinking, it is Christmas soon.
If you wanted to come?
It will only be a few people.
On Christmas eve? Are you strong enough for that?
what can you do? Tradition is tradition.
Might be some days before Christmas this time.
Paul, I'd love to come.
We will only be a few people, did I say that?
Yeah, I think so.
It is not like it used to be. -No it is not.
Thanks.
Sorry I am late. -I bought a cinnamon roll for you.
Darling, are you strong enough to carry Ove's casket? -Ove?
But he was so fat. -I agree.
It is one thing to carry people that had AIDS and be polite enough and die properly.
Like me, then you are so skinny. I don't weigh much.
Exactly.
People that killed themself on the other hand.
Oh my god yes.
Take ove for example, he was so fat.
Yeah, yeah. We will carry.
Those years, we carried eachother.
For real, literally.
The HIV-positive was usually the ones carrying.
Look at them, poor things. They look like they are dying.
good bye fattie.
Can I be dressed like this? -Mmm
Bring a shirt though, we will be in the yard.
Do you have the code? -Mm
Congrats. -Thanks.
Hey. -I am sorry, I am sitting down now.
Yeah, of course. So happy you came.
Everyone is here.
You are so sweet. It is a gift table over there.
Congrats -Thank you.
A woman can't go anywhere without her man.
Hey. -Hey.
I don't know if I am allowed to ask, but how sick is Lars-Åke now?
Well, you can see it yourself.
Many gifts.
Yep, clothes he will never wear.
Records he will never play and books he will never read.
But that's how it is.
Hey boys. -Hey.
Claudius, 13 episodes. Protest action.
Seppo, I really hope he wrote a will or it will be his damn family that gets it all.
Can we all stand up?
Maybe we should not sing may you live a hundred years for a guy that will be dead within three weeks.
Dear, Lars-Åke.
I think we should sing for you now. Are you with me?
Yes, let him live. Yes let him live til he is a hundred years old. Of course he will live til he is a hundred years old.
Hip hip hurray.
In memory of Lars-Åke, 500 crowns is given to cancer foundation.
with the text, goodbye from cousins and their kids.
Cancer? He died in AIDS.
I could not do it. The family did not want to hear it.
I am reading another letter, beloved underful Lars-Åke.
The world is empty without you. We miss you.
We love you. And that was from Kalle, Birgit, Kenneth and Siv.
Friends in Gryt.
They are donationg 300 crowns to cancer foundation.
Damnit.
Here I am.
I am reading the next letter. It will be a few.
It was weird today on Lars-Åke's funeral. All I could think of was that the next one is probably going to be mine.
Don't say that.
It is true, I have been to more funerals than my parents been at weddings.
The good part is that all weddings, funerals I mean. It is that all of them is like a rehersal for my own.
I am almost done with mine. -And it will be wonderful I assume.
My funeral?
I wont spoil anything, impatient little person.
One thing I can tell you,It wont be an old lady talking about cancer on mine.
Not on mine either. Did you hear that?
Yes.
You two are going to be in the same grave right?
Of course we will.
I just need some strenght.
Here, take it. I made it for Rasmus.
I don't think he would like it and it is to big. He is so skinny now.
You take it, it would be as much yours I guess.
Mm, It looks good. -Yeah
I thought we would have more time.
Are you awake?
I don't want to.
What is it you don't want?
I don't want to.
What is it? Are you okey? Do you need to throw up?
I just don't want to.
Rasmus, it is in the middle of night and we have work tomorrow, what is it you don't want?
I don't want to die.
Maybe we have not been the best parents, but I am sure that Rasmus loves us.
But maybe you don't think we should be here at all?
Yes, absolutely.
I told you before that I am happy that you are here.
I know my parents..
In one way you could say you are like a son to us.
Can't call you daughter or son, what do you say?
And now you are close to us.
Like a son.
Rasmus.
They will put me in a black garbage bag.
I know that, if you died in AIDS.
Then you are garbage.
You will not die Rasmus.
I am going to die. -Not in a long time.
I don't want to Benjamin, I don't want to be garbage.
You will not be garbage.
Do not touch me.
I am more skinny now. -You are slim, but you have always been.
I am only 22, it is not fair.
No, it is not fair.
I am just trying to feel all the time. -I know.
Does it hurt when I swallow.
Do I have swollen lymphs.
Why do I cough.
Does my head hurt.
What is that weird spot, is that supposed to be there.
I can't sleep. I can't stop thinking. All I do is think.
Can I hold you now? -No you can't.
Why can't I hold you?
You can get it too. -Then I have it already right?
We don't know that.
No, do not touch me.
Don't touch me.
Stoppit, let me go.
Dont touch me. -Calm down, calm down.
I think I will go in to him. -No can you wait, let Harald be with him.
They have not been alone together for a long time. Ever since..you have to understand.
They are so close.
They were out in the forrest together.
Camping and fishing.
Harald wanted to treat Rasums like a man. Like an even like.
Holger? Hi, this is Benjamin Nilsson. Yes, I am fine.
I thought about what you said and I would love to come.
I want to go in now. -No, no, no. Can't you wait a bit longer?
Please.
He is not breathing.
He is not breathing anymore. -Yes he is.
I saw he did. -I am sorry.
We will go in to him later.
I can't take it. -Yes, you can.
Have you spoken to Benjamin?
I tried. -You have to.
You do it.
You are so beautiful now.
So peaceful.
You are not in pain anymore.
I am not in pain either.
I was thinking that maybe you want to be alone with him for a while.
Yes, we do.
I will go in again in a while.
Harald? -I can't do this.
Nothing to be afraid of.
What diffrence does it make?
You do what you want.
Do you smoke?
It is Rasmus' cigarettes.
Aha.. -Do you want one?
Yeah, don't tell Sara.
Do you want to sleep at our place? We have an extra bed.
At your place? No, no.
We don't want to be in your way. -But it's late.
We will go home, that is the best.
It is forty miles.
Please, I don't want to be alone in that apartment.
Don't you have a friend?
They are all dead pretty much, or sick.
You must have someone?
It is getting lonely.
Hold it in Benjamin.
It is okey, cry.
Sorry.
It is okey
Since we are leaving soon.
We have to talk about the funeral.
I was thinking we could, me and Rasmus talked about this. Can't it wait?
Not really.
You don't have to worry. We will do everything.
Me and Sara will do this.
You don't have to. We talked about most of it.
No, Benjamin. We will handle the funeral. It is our thing.
We have to do it quick, and we wont come back to Stockholm so I am sorry but.
We have to talk about the funeral now.
Yeah, what is it then?
I don't know how to tell you.
The way we look at it is that we have to announce the death of our son.
Not that he was a fag.
Okey?
Death obituary for example. What would it look like..
Like? -Yeah.
If my name was in it? -Yes.
I loved him. He loved me. The death obituary is mine.
I am afraid not.
So don't fucking do the funeral.
Rasmus and I talked about this.
Where we want to rest, the gravestone, music, no speeches and chocolate cake.
Did Rasmus sign all of that?
No but we talked about it. -In that case I am afraid you got nothing to say.
Listen. -We loved each other.
We know that Benjamin. We understand.
But the others, will they understand?
It is a small village, you have to understand whole family would find out about it.
It would not be a worthy funeral.
A gayshow, and you don't want that either right?
What I mean is that everyone is welcome to the funeral if they want.
What are you saying? -You are not family.
People would wonder who is he, why is he here. It can't happened.
So you are saying I should not go to my lovers funeral?
It would be easier for everyone, yes.
What kind of person are you?
Are you with him on this Sara?
Do you want a fruit, orange or apple?
We beg you, for Rasmus.
Do you think so too? -It is not that hard to understand.
Rasmus is dead. No reason for us to crawl.
We don't want you at this funeral. -We are leaving now Sara.
Okey, I have to take care of the food since nobody wants it.
I will take it myself. -Rasmus sweater.
Lets go Harald.
Be careful now honey.
This is what the Bible says about Christ.
He will come with the clouds.
And all eyes will see him.
And all people in the world should grief over him.
Book of revelations. first chapter. seventh verse.
These words is about how Jesus will punish the evil and and reward the good.
That will be a dark day, for those who don't do what God wants.
And belive in him.
Benjamin? -Yes.
Train was on time, not what I expected.
Holger, welcome. -Benjamin, thanks.
I'll take the bag. -No, no it is okey.
What they can do nowdays in Stockholm. -Have you not seen one on wheels before?
I am just kidding. -Oh, okey.
Harald died the year after Rasmus.
He never got over it.
But when Sara died last year I felt that I had to contact you.
Now, that nothing is in your way.
That is nice, I did not know anyone here knew I existed.
It was not that hard to understand.
Oh is that so.
Merry Christmas.
Come in.
Do you want glögg? -No, it's okey.
I don't have glögg. I have lemonade.
Do you want us to leave?
Do you want lemonade?
Sit down.
I have some red rootbeetsallad.
I forgot to buy beer. -Want me to go get some?
No, it is okey. I can't eat anyway. I think I have salmon.
And some ham.
Applesause too.
This is what happened then.
They lived there, Rasmus grew up there.
Nice kids.
I was thinking we could start with salmon like before.
Do you want ham too? -Yes and some mousse.
Do you know a Christmas carol?
When Rasmus died, twentyfive years old.
He had lived his last two years in a living hell.
Bad doctors, denied help with trasportations. People talking bad at work.
And everywhere he was met with contempt.
How people were staring.
So he was isolated, almost all the time in our apartment.
And he was in so much pain.
A young, strong man became a dry package.
His legs withered from the cancer.
So he had to be in a wheelchair. And his eyes got worse and worse.
Then he got blind.
He started to forget what he just said.
He stopped being able to speak.
Day and night, I was with him.
But nights were the worst.
He was screaming all the time because of the pain from shingles.
Like being stabbed by a knife.
The cancer ruined his beautiful, beautiful face.
And the body...
The fungus.
I saw the most beautiful thing in my life being destroyed.
In front of my eyes.
I am sorry.
Then the brake medicines came.
In the beginning I thought I would die from the side effects.
But then I felt that it might be a life.
That was probably the hardest part, to accept that I would not die.
May I ask, not to seem curious.
No. I never met anyone else.
It never happened.
If you want to stay, I have a guestroom.
No thanks, I need to get home.
If you have not arranged something, then I could.
No, I have not.
No lobster this year.
No, it is okey.
It is ten years now since I met Rasmus here.
Rasmus..
and Lars-Åke.
Oh that is right. You did not celebrate Christmas in Jehovah's rigt?
No, but one time we were invited to some friends and played boardgames and had food.
Then afterwords we all agreed it did not feel good at all.
Mom especially, belived we had crossed the line.
Almost celebrated Christams.
So next year when we were invited they said no.
I think we have time for gingerbread cookies too.
Are you tired? Do you need to rest?
No, it is the taxi that will be here soon.
I am only here for a short time, I have to go back to the hospital.
I just wanted to celebrate some Christmas.
And that was it.
Will you be okey now? -Oh yes.
See you soon. -Yes, or maybe we wont.
Darling, will you put this in the paper for me? -Of course.
What is it? -It is my obituary, I made it myself.
It is better to do it myself.
Are you done? -Yeah, I guess we are. Bye boys.
Bye.
Paul-I lived
Paul, can I ask you something?
If you could live your life all over again..
You can't do that.
That is the whole point.
It must be here. -Looks like a warehouse.
Is this Orion theatre?
I said so, we are going to Staffan's funeral.
Paul's? -No, Staffan's of course.
Hey, sorry I am late. -It is okey.
It was so weird. Two people that were going to the funeral called Paul, Staffan.
Yeah, it was his name. -What?
In his passport it said Staffan. But he never liked it so he changed his name when he moved here.
So Paul was not his name? -Yeah, it was. That is what he wanted.
So he he did. -But the people that called him Staffan?
It was siblings or something. They always want to feel special.
Was he a jew then? -I think so.
Or maybe he just liked minorities.
Are you Seppo and Benjamin? -Yes.
As family you have reserved seats, I will show you.
Hallo. -Hey.
So Paul made a vip. -Yeah, or else it would not be Paul.
I was going to give these to you. It will be a long performance.
Typical Paul to have a funeral in a theatre.
He had a few years to plan this.
Do you know what will happened? -No idea.
We are here today to take a last farewell of Paul.
And give him to the hands of Jehovah.
And today we will not think a damn thing of cancer foundation.
Be will begin with a song.
My only life, the only life I have.
The only life I will ever get.
They only life I ever wanted.
These are my dreams.
You can almost touch it.
This is my wish, this is my damn broken-down.
This is my home so look at me, because I will never die.
For some reason the virus did not progress on me.
I got to live until the check medicines came, and they just got better with time.
I will print the test results so you can look by yourself later.
Yes, Benjamin. You have still low virus quantities.
We can't even see any virus at all in your blood. -Good.
And your cells are at seven hundred now.
I can't remember if that is good or bad.
Your immune system is the best in a long time.
Yeah I feel healthy.
So I live on.
I have a pretty good life.
A very good life.
The breakage is still there of course.
Sometimes it feels worse.
When I think of Rasmus and all my friends.
Those who lived, and died.
In one way I am half, without them.
Everything in this story is true.
And it happened here, in this city.
It was like a war in peace time.
In a city where most people ignored what happened.
Young men got sick.
Got skinny, withering away and died.
And it was them, that loved the most.
It was them the frost took.
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